Political rock

As exams roll back into my life, i must share the scribblings from between papers during an earlier one. The frustration was two pronged (politics and exams), but the thoughts are focused.
Sadly, there are far too many politicians who could really rock this song.....

Politics is a game,
Where you assign blame
To the one who is your biggest threat.
Politics is a race,
To escape disgrace,
And your best friend is someone you never met!

And so...
We put on a show,
We show that we know;
We act like we mean it,
We do!
We smile and shake hands,
We call their names from the stands:
'Cos we want to win it,
We do!

We're here for the cash and we're here for the perks;
We're here for the power and the free lunch!
We don't really care if you call us all jerks,
'Cos while we do like the motherland, we love ourselves too much!

Nearly lost

People change and relationships alter. Sometimes they thrive, and sometimes falter.
to all those that faltered and fell by the side.......
(It is NOT funny the variety of relationships that fueled these lines!!)

We are separated by a wall, thin as paper;
Yet a universe stands between our souls.
Although we share half our worlds,
An ocean between us rolls.

I reach out sometimes
Rummaging through memory's chest of drawers;
And find where I least expect,
A half forgotten thought of yours.

As I slowly put it away,
Sometimes with a smile, sometimes a sigh;
I wonder if ever you find,
Some such bauble to remember me by.

A thousand leaps mayn't cover this distance;
Or a single step may do.
The question really seems to be -
Do we want to know each other anew?

The memories we made an age ago;
They make us who we are.
But they only glisten like perfect dewdrops,
Because they are so far.

So though you drifted away from me,
And I grew apart from you;
I hope it is with naught but peace
That we both bid these thoughts adieu.

Thoughts about the monsoon

As the monsoon gears up for it's last assault, I'm tempted to post poetry I wrote around the turn of the century (OK... saying that was fun!!! and yes.. that statement is a reason to post ancient scribblings). Wrote these two because I was given a crazy essay assignment - 'my favorite season' - when in college. I kid you not. I had to do something to make it interesting for self ...

The positive spin (the sitting at home / romantic perspective): Monsoon's Magic

The scent of fresh herbs
Wafting in the breeze,
The smell of wet earth
Rising to the trees.

The trees overhead
With bough and leaves entwined,
Form a pretty lattice;
Vague, yet defined.

A soft rain falls,
A little sun shows;
Forming in the skies
Translucent rainbows.

A cool breeze blowing
Through the wood and meadows,
Carries birdsong on it's wing
As monsoon's magic unfolds.


... and the negative spin (trudging in the rain / stuck in traffic perspective): Dripping Disgrace

Water dripping all over the place,
Leaves one looking a wet disgrace!
Mosses and weeds and slippery dung cakes,
In puddles turn roads into yucky lakes!

Traffic's all stopped 'cos the roads are flooded;
By Murphy, now the trains are delayed!
The lines of telecom and electricity go down;
One's got to bear it for the rains are in town!

self Blame

Some of the thoughts that lead to and maintain Depression. Possibly the most important symptoms of something being really, really wrong. Textbooks tell you that working through depression is a somewhat cognitive task. But experience tells me that the most important task is understanding just how absurd these thoughts are... and remembering the reasons why they are just so absurd. 

They claim I am a year (and counting) out of the black pit; but I still struggle to get these sorted out on occasion. That's how deeply they can be rooted; and how natural they can feel.

“I could die,
For having failed.
My ship sank -
Just when it should have sailed.
The only thing I could do worse,
Is admit to having bailed.

I hate myself
For being so weak;
I couldn't be worse
If I was a freak!
I deserve not mercy,
Nor acceptance, nor love,
Nor the help
I am about to seek.”

.... My biggest task
Is to change this thought;
And kill that stupid guilt
With which I am fraught.

I have to learn
To love what I am;
Than to fret over
What I am not!

baby steps

Depression is not just a disorder; it is the sum total (and more) of all the fears and insecurities one has ever had. Depression is what happens when you hold out on yourself for too long, or push yourself to unreachable goals and pin your happiness on them. When you strive for perfection instead of excellence. And once you are there, it's like being in a shell, a cage of your own making; one impossible to break. Recovery is a reality, but there's no 'bouncing back' from being depressed; it takes a thousand baby steps.


I opened a door today,
And let in a little light.
I stepped into my backyard,
And drank in the night.
I dared to look up today,
At the daunting moonbeams bright.
I faced the stars and the trees;
Though they laughed at my plight.

My dungeon dark called to me
And spoke of sightless oblivion.
Free-floating and senseless existence,
Where in a moment passes an eon.

But I stood my ground on coarse grass
And forced my senses to experience -
Sound and touch and sight and thought,
All so new, they almost pain.
But though the day I'm far from facing;
Today I befriend the night again. 

let me be it.

Wrote this a few years ago, i figure i don't mind if it's read now. :)

Let me be, the bad one.
The one who hurt you,
The one who ran out.
The one who crushed your soul.

Let me be, the mad one.
The one who left you all alone.
The one who never turned around,
Never ever had a doubt.

Let me be the horrid one.
The one who rejected each message of peace.
Who white flags burnt,
And whose words did hurt.

Let me be all that and more,
For then you may just let go.
For you may hurt less with every thought,
And seek happiness as you ought.
So you may never be torn again
Between friendship and love, laughter and pain.

I have seen your heart,
So I know, you won't let go.
You will bear the brunt of each thought and word;
Though they be a poison arrow.
And so I know it must be me
To let you go, to set you free.

I erred when I led you on;
I erred for I knew it could go wrong.
I erred in risking a friendship dear,
And so,
The responsibility is mine, I fear.

Will you let me lose a friend please;
Just promise me you will find peace.

Distance...

Sometimes even valued relationships are not able to cope with the changes in people's personalities and lives. And then, no matter how much one tries, that gap just keeps getting wider....

Often in recent times,

I have found a sad occurrence.

That I so long to speak to u,

Yet have nothing to say.

There is so much done,

And so much yet to do.

But nothing at all... to tell u!

Nothing to discuss,

Nothing to ask,

Nothing to describe;

Nothing at all.

The silence grows

Like a widening crevice;

Deepening the distance

Adding to the gaps.

Deafening, deadening

And out of control.

to shri

I want...
To fly, to dream,
To sing, to scream,
To have a wish come true.
To run, to dance,
But mostly, to live on a chance...
And spend my life with you.

a tale of two worlds

I have often been accused of living in my own head rather than the real world. I agree. I do. And this is why.....



The world seems on a roundabout,
It moves either too fast or slow.
Maybe it wants to trick me, maybe to tease;
But just when I think it warmest, it starts to snow.

I then escape to a world of my making,
A world right inside my mind.
It's small, and nearly stunted;
But there I know what I will find.

I know the demons that form my tail
And I know the beams of sunshine.
I know my battles, my foes and my friends
I know my blessings
               ...... my nectar and brine.

It's not an easy world,
That one I have made.
It too challenges me at every stage.
Teases and tires me;
Cajoles and goads me on.
I just understand it better
Than the other.

Wish upon a star....

An old old poem, containing a wish I wished so desperately, that I got it. The last year of so of my life has been, in many ways this world I wished for. Life.... is nice sometimes :)

If I had my way,

There would be a day.... seven days long;

And on that day,

You and I would be together.

If I had my way,

We would spend the day in some place -

Secluded, and beautiful.

Where no-one could ever find us;

So we could find each other.

If I had my way,

I'd then be nestled up in your arms;

so I could get over the tiredness, the pain,

That I seem to feel all the time.

If I had my way,

We would speak out all those things unsaid

And put them behind us.

So that when at the end of that day

We step into the next,

It would truly be an all new day.

But this is life sweetie,

And I don't have it my way so much;

So I guess,

We'll just have to make it work -

In a limited, interrupted way,

The best we can......

Motivation

I happen to be one of those people who has less faith in their own ideas than others seem to have in them. and it falls on others to knock me to my senses ever so often. have admitted it aloud finally. Be happy, people.

All I ask for is a li'l love....
... a li'l care,
It's all that I need.
A hand to hold,
When the world grows cold;
And a smile
To warm my heart by.

I'll live the life,
I'll fight the war...
Just tell me I can do it.
I'll put in the work
To make it tick;
Just talk to me through it.

Hold me,
Touch me....
Let me know you're there.
That u care.
That's all that I (really) need.......
A hand to hold,
When the world grows cold;
And a smile
To warm my heart by.

It's important baby....
'Cos I'll never do it for my own sake....

My life in a poem

This thing was my wedding invitation: The most amusing poem I've ever written.

As a kid of six, 
I once exclaimed - 
This thing called marriage, 
For me it ain't! 


A pre-teen at 12, 
I saw my cousin be wed; 
And the phenomena - oh my! 
It simply filled me with dread. 


At 18, now an adult; 
They asked 'did I think differently now?' 
They must have thought it possible; 
Though I couldn't see how! 


24 brought bruised feelings. 
My ego felt so small and wee! 
I put up my feet - resigned then; 
That love - thus marriage - weren't for me! 


But then...... I re-met Shrikant, 
Friend of yore, 
Chemistry happened; 
And much more! 


Cautious still,  I almost ran; 
But life, that idiot, had a different plan! 
It showed me what I felt with Shri; 
How he very nearly completed me! 
How my life changed not - 
                    but was prettier still; 
How Shri perfectly fit the bill. 

A live - in was appealing, 
But lets legalize it, we thought; 
So, now at half past 27, 
I'm tying the knot! 

And we'd really like it,

If you were there;
To partake our happiness,
And a photo to bear!


And this is what it got made into by the husband: that why I love my life:)