self Blame

Some of the thoughts that lead to and maintain Depression. Possibly the most important symptoms of something being really, really wrong. Textbooks tell you that working through depression is a somewhat cognitive task. But experience tells me that the most important task is understanding just how absurd these thoughts are... and remembering the reasons why they are just so absurd. 

They claim I am a year (and counting) out of the black pit; but I still struggle to get these sorted out on occasion. That's how deeply they can be rooted; and how natural they can feel.

“I could die,
For having failed.
My ship sank -
Just when it should have sailed.
The only thing I could do worse,
Is admit to having bailed.

I hate myself
For being so weak;
I couldn't be worse
If I was a freak!
I deserve not mercy,
Nor acceptance, nor love,
Nor the help
I am about to seek.”

.... My biggest task
Is to change this thought;
And kill that stupid guilt
With which I am fraught.

I have to learn
To love what I am;
Than to fret over
What I am not!