The Cause of Idiotic Actions

This one might make just a tad more sense to those who have either read The Hobbit and LOTR, or have seen the movies. My fascination with Smeagol aka Gollum once made friends with my ability to create twisted metaphorical imagery. This, was the result. 
Non - Geek Psychologists: Gollum is this regressed, primal creature; very ID controlled. He has an alter ego (Smeagol)that is particularly Super-ego controlled; but that's a whole different story. 
Non-Geek, Non - Psychologists: Imagine a creature that is only concerned with satisfying it's immediate desires; unconcerned with consequences for self or others. 



Selfish little impulses
Like so many giggling gollums;
Creeping, biting,
Reminding, taunting -
Of promises broken,
Of feelings wounded,
Of words unheard,
Of hands let go....!

Living in the dark depths
Of my unconscious mind,
Surfacing, shreaking;
Leaving havoc behind.
In a split second's rising
They shatter notions.
They counteract choices,
And destroy decisions.

Before I can see them,
They're long gone;
Leaving me paddling
In a hell-like storm.
And as I try and make sense
Of the wreckage they cause,
I can but wish
For my world as it was!

In Celebration of Togetherness

To all those friends in relationships - established, blooming and yet to be; 
This is a wish for you; from me! 


May you be more than just happy,
May you find excitement; and also joy!
May each moment you reach for
Be beautiful beyond compare;
May your felicity never be coy!

May you feel both, blessed and content,
For ever more from now;
May all your dreams come true
Through adventures filled with love!

An Emotional Winter

Wrote this over two years ago.... found it today. Ironic much, that half of the imagery in these lines represents a desirable state in the blistering heat of Summer. Be assured, it makes more sense in the winter. :)
Winter days in depression.... 

The sunbeams pass me by;
The wind skips around me.
The rain leaves me dry,
But the fog always surrounds me!

The colors fade from flowers;
And bird song turns melancholy.
The trees cast menacing shadows;
Shadows that imprison me!

Laughter tires me out,
And tears exhaust me so!
Actions and words, both need strength;
A strength I do not know.

Sometimes - for a minute - the fogs part
And I think I shall be set free.
But just when escape seems within my grasp,
My prison re-forms around me.

.... And here I know I must add
Some words of faith, a whisper of hope;
That I should mention that shining beacon
that guides me back to joyful home........

But if truth be told there is naught
But a glimmering sporadic starlight;
That makes me want to keep on trying -
But never pierces the exhausting night.

Political rock

As exams roll back into my life, i must share the scribblings from between papers during an earlier one. The frustration was two pronged (politics and exams), but the thoughts are focused.
Sadly, there are far too many politicians who could really rock this song.....

Politics is a game,
Where you assign blame
To the one who is your biggest threat.
Politics is a race,
To escape disgrace,
And your best friend is someone you never met!

And so...
We put on a show,
We show that we know;
We act like we mean it,
We do!
We smile and shake hands,
We call their names from the stands:
'Cos we want to win it,
We do!

We're here for the cash and we're here for the perks;
We're here for the power and the free lunch!
We don't really care if you call us all jerks,
'Cos while we do like the motherland, we love ourselves too much!

Nearly lost

People change and relationships alter. Sometimes they thrive, and sometimes falter.
to all those that faltered and fell by the side.......
(It is NOT funny the variety of relationships that fueled these lines!!)

We are separated by a wall, thin as paper;
Yet a universe stands between our souls.
Although we share half our worlds,
An ocean between us rolls.

I reach out sometimes
Rummaging through memory's chest of drawers;
And find where I least expect,
A half forgotten thought of yours.

As I slowly put it away,
Sometimes with a smile, sometimes a sigh;
I wonder if ever you find,
Some such bauble to remember me by.

A thousand leaps mayn't cover this distance;
Or a single step may do.
The question really seems to be -
Do we want to know each other anew?

The memories we made an age ago;
They make us who we are.
But they only glisten like perfect dewdrops,
Because they are so far.

So though you drifted away from me,
And I grew apart from you;
I hope it is with naught but peace
That we both bid these thoughts adieu.

Thoughts about the monsoon

As the monsoon gears up for it's last assault, I'm tempted to post poetry I wrote around the turn of the century (OK... saying that was fun!!! and yes.. that statement is a reason to post ancient scribblings). Wrote these two because I was given a crazy essay assignment - 'my favorite season' - when in college. I kid you not. I had to do something to make it interesting for self ...

The positive spin (the sitting at home / romantic perspective): Monsoon's Magic

The scent of fresh herbs
Wafting in the breeze,
The smell of wet earth
Rising to the trees.

The trees overhead
With bough and leaves entwined,
Form a pretty lattice;
Vague, yet defined.

A soft rain falls,
A little sun shows;
Forming in the skies
Translucent rainbows.

A cool breeze blowing
Through the wood and meadows,
Carries birdsong on it's wing
As monsoon's magic unfolds.


... and the negative spin (trudging in the rain / stuck in traffic perspective): Dripping Disgrace

Water dripping all over the place,
Leaves one looking a wet disgrace!
Mosses and weeds and slippery dung cakes,
In puddles turn roads into yucky lakes!

Traffic's all stopped 'cos the roads are flooded;
By Murphy, now the trains are delayed!
The lines of telecom and electricity go down;
One's got to bear it for the rains are in town!

self Blame

Some of the thoughts that lead to and maintain Depression. Possibly the most important symptoms of something being really, really wrong. Textbooks tell you that working through depression is a somewhat cognitive task. But experience tells me that the most important task is understanding just how absurd these thoughts are... and remembering the reasons why they are just so absurd. 

They claim I am a year (and counting) out of the black pit; but I still struggle to get these sorted out on occasion. That's how deeply they can be rooted; and how natural they can feel.

“I could die,
For having failed.
My ship sank -
Just when it should have sailed.
The only thing I could do worse,
Is admit to having bailed.

I hate myself
For being so weak;
I couldn't be worse
If I was a freak!
I deserve not mercy,
Nor acceptance, nor love,
Nor the help
I am about to seek.”

.... My biggest task
Is to change this thought;
And kill that stupid guilt
With which I am fraught.

I have to learn
To love what I am;
Than to fret over
What I am not!